


Not so different after all

by WholockianDalek



Category: Atypical
Genre: Autism, Autistic, Break Up, Coming Out, F/M, Gay, Lesbian
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-04-09
Updated: 2018-04-09
Packaged: 2019-04-20 17:34:28
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,584
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/14266149
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/WholockianDalek/pseuds/WholockianDalek
Summary: Casey Garder (Atypical) admits to her boyfriend that she recognises a lot of her brother's autistic symptoms in herself, and that she feels socially outcast sometimes. In the flow of confessions, she also admits that she thinks she's gay. Evan reacts badly at first but eventually accepts it





	Not so different after all

“Casey! Sam ditched in the middle of biology, I don’t know where he is. He had this big oral presentation and he just left when Mrs McClung called him up, muttering something about not wanting to be seen… Why is he such a nuisance!” yelled Evan, waving a text from his sister Beth. 

Casey tightly squeezed part of her shirt into a ball in an attempt not to yell back. Even though he was gorgeous and kind, Evan simply didn’t understand certain aspects of her life or of her brother’s. 

“It’s not his fault… he’s had a hard week, loads of people laughing at him. They gave him a presentation about penguins for God’s sake, he was probably scared of actually exposing something he’s vulnerable about. He already gets enough for his normal behaviour, imagine what he would get if he showed himself with penguins? You wouldn’t understand… you hardly have any secrets.”

As she tried to walk away, Evan grabbed her wrist, and pulled her towards him tenderly. Trying to push him away, she ducked out and sprinted. Clearly, she could beat him but she stopped anyway. She wasn’t going to be the annoying fighting one. He caught up to her and held her more loosely, 

“Are you suggesting that you get him because you do have secrets? Are you hiding something from me.” he asked sweetly, tickling her and running his fingers through her hair playfully. She pulled away; she really wasn’t feeling like being touchy with a guy right now. 

He wasn’t used to this sort of behaviour.

“What’s up with you?” he said, still not letting her go and unaware that she kept pulling away from him. She really didn’t think he would get it, and he was suffocating her. She tugged on the edge of her shirt harder and harder, turning it around again and again in her hand and flicking it to and fro. Ever since she had been told that Sam doing these things were symptoms, she had been accurately aware of her every fidget, flick or flap. Evan was still hugging her, and lines of sweat were forming across the two of them. Unable to fully control her own strength or emotions, she pushed him, slightly more than she was used to. 

“I just think it must be really hard for Sam. He always feels like the freak, like there's something wrong with him for one reason or another and Mom isn't exactly helping him by complaining loudly about all his worse moments. I just… I don't really think any of you get him.” 

Slightly confused at why Casey was separating herself from the rest of the population, Evan pulled her tighter as if trying to combine them

“And you do?” said Evan, with a slightly hurt sarcastic tone, “You're so special and different and… lonely?”

Trying to hold back tears, Casey choked a response. Twiddling with anxiety only made things worse. She kept seeing herself in Sam. Everyone told her he was special. Everyone told her he needed taking care of. Everyone told her she had to look out for him. 

Nobody ever stopped to wonder if she might need the same help. With one still vibrating fidgety hand, Casey took Evan’s face and tilted it so that he could see the other hand tearing at her shirt.

“See that? That’s a mixture of anxiety and the texture of my shirt is all wrong and I just have too much energy. It’s not the first time. I’ve been noticing it again and again and again and again and again and again...” Casey was stuck in the word loop and getting more and more stressed out. She wasn’t supposed to tell anyone this, this was her secret, she was going to get bullied just as bad as Sam, this wasn’t good, this was all wrong. Spiralling out of control and yelling louder and louder, a very confused Evan did exactly what he had been told to do with Sam. 

Step one, get them away from the trigger. This seemed to be a bit of an impasse as he seemed to be the cause. However he doubted he was the only cause and the whole stress of the secrets - and possibly Sam missing - must all have been weighing down on Casey. 

“Shhh it’s okay. I’ll listen to what you have to say and I won’t judge you at all. No one has to know about this if you don’t want them to. I’ll help you take care of everything.” whispered Evan. Casey still wasn’t responsive and was now crying violently and punching the floor but wasn’t screaming. Tenderly, Evan held Casey’s wrists and slipped a coat between her and the concrete so it wouldn’t hurt her as much.

Gradually Casey calmed down.

“I have to be the strong one. For Sam. For Dad. For everyone. I can't be like this, things are too complicated as it is.” she said through tears.

“Just be yourself, it's not your fault and it's not going to hurt anyone. You don't have to hide just to make people happy. I know that st that group your Mum makes a huge deal about how much of a burden Sam is, but we've all got our problems. You can keep this from the world if you want to, but you really don't have to hide from me.” he said sweetly.

“That's not the only problem. I really like that you think I can trust you, and I do really like you but…” she whispered.

So as not to show how he was feeling, Evan buried his head into Casey’s shoulder. Some would say that given what she might be, she would never realised what Evan was feeling. It's true that she wasn't sure what he was thinking - or how to deal with it - but she was very good at recognising patterns in people and this definitely wasn't Evan’s usual. Evan realised Casey was going through some stuff but he thought that his role was secure. This sounded strangely like a break up. Wondering whether he was about to hear “it's not you it's me” or “but we can still be friends” - possibly both, he pulled his face away from her and looked her in the eye.

“But think I might be... gay.”

This... was not what he was expecting. Though he had to admit that looking at her, it was a very obvious possibility - but they were dating. She liked him. He liked her. That was how this works. Slightly less versed in how to deal with these matters than he should have been, he pushed himself away from her and - eyes wide and mouth open but momentarily speechless - stared at her.

“So what does that make me?” he yelled, “An experiment? A game? A joke? I thought I could trust you Casey!”

Luckily for Casey, she had anticipated such a response and so was somewhat prepared. Still, the blow was hard. Some part of her was hoping that he would be understanding, that he wasn’t like other guys. Even though she was visibly shaken, the barrage of criticism from Evan showed no sign of slowing. 

“I poured my heart out to you! I told you about the tuba - do you honestly think I thought that was going to improve my reputation with you? I gave you all my secrets, and you seem to have kept everything from me. I can’t b-” 

“I didn’t know! Shut it okay? I didn’t know, I care about you deeply I thought that was love. I could never want to play with your feelings because I love you. But I love you in the same way I love Sam, or Mom.”

Evan stared at her in total shock. This was nothing like what his neat little bubble imagined Casey to be. She was fun, she could run fast, she cared about him and her brother and her school work. To Evan, her brain should have been this simple. Desperately, he tried to link this new change back to one of those.

“S… What? You’re gay… So you’re a diverse candidate so you can get into Clayton? I don’t think they keep track of those things, people going into Clayton are too young to know anyway so it wouldn’t c-”

“That’s not how it works!” yelled Casey hysterically, “That’s not how it works! That’s not how it works that’s not how it works. It- it- it- it- it- doesn’t work like that!”

Every inch of her, every hair on her skin, every nerve and cell was yelling at her to flee. The human instincts, responses usually triggered by an attack, were flaring up. Evan, something clicking and making him realise that he was approaching this all wrong, stopped talking. He had heard hundreds of story of the terrible reaction, the terrible coming out - and all those stories sounded what was happening now.

“It’s okay. I… accept you. I can be whatever you need to be, I don’t mind if this doesn’t work out.”

His voice was cracking slightly but he was determined. Casey’s well being was far more important than their relationship. 

“And I can stay quiet about all of this if that helps.”

For the first time in their conversation, Casey found Evan as comforting as he had been when they started dating. Approaching him slowly, she curled up against him and breathed. This was different, but a strong friendship was going to feel better than romance.


End file.
